Well, after my last post, my husband has been seen twice by the Doctor and was admitted to hospital (for hydration through a drip and tests). He's still not well (post just interupted by him vomitting again - no food yet - just his medication and a mouthful of Powerade!!!), but he knows it at least and isn't going to be at work for a bit yet. He posted just last week about wanting to lose 8kgs or so before September...it's not a healthy way of doing it, but I think he's probably already close to that.

Having Frank sick makes me realise how hard it must be to be sick when you don't have family/friends around, or if you're a solo Mum or something. Marriage, in my view isn't an 'institution', but one of the closest forms of 'community' living, where we can help each other when we need physical, emotional, spiritual support etc. Thanks also to the cession community who have given texts/flowers/visits/offers of support also - it's awesome to be in amongst caring people.

My Frank has been sick on and off from Sunday night, with last night being the worst - 1av/h (average vomit/hour). He's only been to the Doctor once in the last 4 years of us being together, so today we're off to the Doctor again to see if there's anything that can be done. (Yay, finally!)

It isn't pleasant at all to see someone you love unwell and not being able to do anything about it. A maternal instinct pops out to want to take it on myself instead (though I wouldn't want to because it could affect the baby in my tum). I wonder how much 'maternal instinct' God has? How much does He want to take things away when things hurt? He must have some desire like that as (1) we're made in His image so if lots of us (women?) feel that, there must be an aspect of that in His nature; (2) isn't that what Jesus did in a way? Not so much dying so we don't hurt again, but to bring restoration and someone to walk alongside if we give ourselves over...

On another note, I'm not entirely sure why many men go to the Doctor less than women - do women generally get sicker more (or need regular check-ups for girl stuff?) or is it a psychological thing? Or pride? Or are women hypochondriacs?

In my opinion, even if the av/h rate drops to 0 today, I think that Frank should have tomorrow off work to fully recover. He didn't miss days at school when he was young, so missing work takes alot of encouragement! What think ye?

I hate tension. It doesn't sit well with me. For tension in my head I take Panadol. For tension in a relationship I try and analyse my part in it and try and bring peace to the situation. For tension in my back there might be pain of getting a knot out, but there's at least a resolution.

The idea that I have to live in tension in my faith is difficult. I have recently been thinking about where I’m heading in life in terms of how I live out my Christian faith.
Thinking back 2years ago, I was running an annual conference and helping with other camps/conferences, working 2 days and some nights for church as well as part-time work, leading a cell group and mentoring other cell leaders and was fruitful in ministry. This didn't diminish my devotion to God and I felt close to Him (I think because I had to rely on Him so much). The busy ministry didn't lead my relationship with God, but they fed each other and although tiring, I was doing what I felt God wanted me to be doing at the time. Jump forward 2 years and I'm not doing much ministry wise (the church I'm in is about a fifth of the size so while there is still lots to do, it's a different scale and has a different call for events/programs and the like). I'm only out one night a week now (church) and have no idea how I fit in things like doing my washing etc. 2 years ago.
The tension in my ‘faith life’ now are things like – Is it enough that my friends of other religions/no particular faith know that I am a Christian and go to church or should I speak more of Jesus? - Should I be reading the bible differently than I am (e.g. studying it like in bible college)? – Will I ever be doing such full-on ministry activities again and therefore should be preparing somehow? – is this simply a season for family? Am I missing something that God would have me do, but I’m not listening to Him enough to know about? Will there be a time when I’ll be surrounded by older women as mentors like in my previous church or am I going it alone now? Do people who don’t have a ‘faith life’ (either at all, or as a Christ-follower) live with tensions like this?
I’m secure in my relationship with who God is and who I am in God, but it’s tricky figuring out how to best live as a Christ follower.

My pastor was talking about how we must learn to dwell in the places of tension in our faith e.g. between remaining in God or abounding in the work of God; faith or works; taking up our cross yet taking on Jesus' easy yoke... There’s not really an easy balance, or a ‘right’ one necessarily anyway.

So, rather than giving me answers about the tensions, my pastor has just confirmed that I have to live with it. There’s something kinda freeing in that because it means I’m never going to have the answers, but something frustrating in that also because I’d rather have a plan ;) In the words of Mutant Enemy “Grr, argh”.

I'm sick of 'hollywood' - not the movies that come out of there (well, some of them are pretty dumb too), but the fascination the media (and and society) have with 'superstars'. To be honest I followed gossip about Brad & Jen's breakup until the magazine covers were completely opposing, and gradually found myself feeling more and more distaste about the speculation on people's lives that are so removed from our own.

In today's herald there was a line from an article about Brangelina's baby (that's Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie combined for you folks who really are out of the loop)... "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated," said the magazine, which quoted a gossip insider as speculating the child "could be the most beautiful baby in the world."

What a messed up world we live in where 'superstars' are who society is intrigued by rather than people of good character who are making a significant difference in the world.

I feel for the child born into that -there's high expectation already for how they will look, act, where they will go with Mum and/or Dad, where they will go to school etc. etc. What a way to start your life aye?

When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of Glory died; my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.
Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast, save in the death of Christ, my God; all the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to his blood.
See, from his head, his hands, his feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down. Did e'er such love and sorrow meet, or thorns compose so rich a crown.
Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.

Isaac Watts

Well, after over 10 years of wearing a variety of things other than pyjamas to bed, having in my mind that I didn't like wearing pyjamas cos they get all twisted up, I am now a convert. Flanellette is a beautiful material, and I wish I could wear my pyjamas all day. They don't seem to be getting twisted up, so my sleep must be more settled now, or maybe the pyjamas I had when I was little were too small or something.
Anyway, I found it interesting that my long held view of pyjamas has been quashed so easily. It's making me wonder how many things I have in my 'belief' system that are potentially incorrect given that I decided on those beliefs in an immature state.
Maybe brussel sprouts aren't so bad...?

One of my favourite movies is called 'Music from another room'. There is a scene in it that talks about how when you love someone, it's like when you're in another room from some music playing on the radio and you're singing along...then there's some noise or a train goes past and you can't hear the music anymore...but when the noise or train passes, you're still in exact timing with the music. I can understand how that is with my husband, friends, family and even God - when life gets busy, hard or even when it's good, even if I haven't been in contact with people, it's still possible to be in tune.